Why and How To Promote Independence in Your Child

Most people talk about all of the wonderful benefits of independence in young children, focusing on their increased self-esteem, fine motor control and sense of responsibility. But there are two sides to this one. The more your kids can do on their own, the better it is for you.

Every mother (and father) has been caught in a situation where two children need her attention at once. And sometimes, one’s screaming for a cup of water while the other one has a more serious emergency, resulting in your hands being wrist-deep in doo-doo. Not very sanitary for getting that cup of water for a while anyway. Unless…your older child can get the water. All by herself.

We ended up with some easy solutions around our house that have saved me from a meltdown more than once. Some of these solutions were intentional, and others have been purely accidental.

Self-Serve

Kids can handle some self-serve drinks and snacks. For instance, water. I have a big basket where I put re-usable plastics like little yogurt cups, cream cheese tubs, old water bottles, you know. It just so happens to be sitting right next to our water filter, which is basically a 5 gallon bucket with a plastic spigot. My son, due to the convenience, has really taken to grabbing a yogurt cup and getting water on his own. He used to be too small to reach, but just at the age where he no longer thinks its funny to throw water everywhere – oh who am I kidding, he still enjoys that sometimes – he had become just tall enough to be able to get water on his own. This was also conveniently at about the same time my daughter was born. One less thing for us to do for our son. Score!

Wash on Your Own

Our sink is another example. We use an easy step stool for our son to be able to access the sink and get water to wash up when he needs to. It’s so nice to know that he can take care of all of his bathroom and hand-washing needs on his own without our help.

Arts and Crafts

When little peanut wants to color, cut or draw, he doesn’t need to ask for help. All of his art supplies are at his level, ready to be used. He knows where he can color and how to use the scissors on his own. When he’s finished, well, that brings me to the next point…

Clean Up

I’m a firm believer in kids cleaning up after themselves without making a fuss. Accidents happen. Paints and juice spill, crumbs get dropped on the floor…no biggy. So when little peanut cuts up paper into tiny pieces all over the floor, he knows where to find a small broom and dustpan so that he can sweep up on his own. We keep a few rags and towels hanging on our oven door so that he can grab them to clean up spills. This is independence at its best. He knows how to handle mistakes and be responsible.

So yes, through practicing independence, he’s developing great skills – and setting a stellar example for his little sister, but he’s also helping us out. We’re always there to step in if there’s something he can’t handle, but it sure takes a load off our backs knowing he can handle so many things on his own. This is by no means an exhaustive list – there are many more things that little peanut can do all by himself. And I’m so glad he can, for his sake, and mine!

Why do you appreciate your child’s independence?

***Got a little TOO much independence going on? Learn how to hold your ground as a parent!

photo credit: NickNguyen Wash those hands! via Photopin License

Me Time

I’ve been staring at my old running shoes for a few months now, but I must confess: they were being mean to me ok? They were making fun of me. They said things like “You don’t have time to run” and “Keep sleeping lazy lady” and stuff like that. Can you believe it?

Then, they laughed even harder when my husband would put them on to walk around town and run errands. “Hahaha,” they said. “See if you’ll ever wear us again.”

You see, I had intentions of setting them straight and putting them on and heading out for a jog – even a 15 minute one, but I let them get the best of me.

I kept excusing myself every time my 1 year old would have a cold or a rough night, thinking, tomorrow morning I’ll go for a run. I even tried skipping an afternoon shower thinking that it would give me incentive to run, and then shower the next morning. I got a little grubby for a day or two, but never made it out.

But, I have news for you. I’ve kicked those running shoes into submission and last week I took them out for a short run. And then I did it again this morning.

And you know what?

It’s true what they say about taking a little bit of time for yourself and exercising. It puts you in a better mood than a huge bar of dark chocolate. Ok, maybe it only rivals that, but it’s pretty stinking good.

So, if you want to improve your mood, and through that your parenting, and your productivity too…and it just improves everything really…then take time for you. I encourage every parent to carve out this golden time.

I call it my “me time.”

It restores my sense of self as a person apart from my titles of mother and wife. There’s no one tugging at me or asking for anything. I’m not working, and I’m not cooking. I’m just doing something I enjoy. Even 30 minutes a few mornings a week is enough to make a difference. It might take a bit for you to get going – but once you do, you’ll have started something you won’t want to stop. I know I don’t.

What We Did for Fun Last Night

by Rachel Peachey

One of my weaknesses is arts and crafts. I enjoy the process of creation and making something fun. So, I do what every good mother does. I force it upon my kids. Just kidding – it’s not quite like that. But, it’s a point of connection that we do enjoy together. Lately, whenever I’m feeling disconnected, or like we need some quality mama-son time, I wrack my brains for something fun to create together.

My little peanut is three and a half and quite taken, okay, OBSESSED, with dinosaurs, lizards, snakes and all reptiles existing or extinct. So, we’ve collected quite a bunch of small model toys, dinosaur bone puzzles and models and all sorts of creatures that can be found all around the house. Sometimes I find a little dinosaur in the pila (our big concrete sink) and other times, I’ll admit, I step on them. Ouch! My poor sister in law got a scare the other day because she found a quite realistic rubber snake on the bed when she was here looking after the kids.

So, I decided to do a two for one. We’d keep our house slightly more organized and create a play space by making “homes” for these animals. First, we made a home complete with two volcanoes, and a standing tree for “Big Dinosaur Bones”. Peanut had quite a fun time helping to color and enthusiastically scribbled fire all over the sky. Very cool. That was a few nights ago.

Last night, we made a smaller space for a bunch of homeless reptiles. Peanut wanted them to have a swimming pool. So, we cut off the bottom of a carton of orange juice. We discovered, much to our delight, that we could color on it with crayons – so we drew some fish and colored it blue for the water. The reptiles have been alternating between bathing and drying in the sun since then! Who knew our little crafting activity would turn into a lesson about how cold-blooded animals live?

I love these open-ended crafting projects because there’s always something to be learned. If nothing else, little Peanut works on his fine motor skills and we have a great time connecting together. As a stay at home working mom, sometimes I worry that he’ll always think of me typing away on the computer, rushing to meet a deadline. I am pretty good about keeping my evenings open – but having a special mama-son project always makes these times even more precious.

What did you do for fun last night?

The Online Parenting Advice Mill – Jump On or Hop Off?

by Rachel Peachey

I’m always intrigued by parenting blogs. All of those titles and quizzes that promise to tell me if I’m a “cool” mom or not grab me. I know I’ll be had – obviously my entire worth as a mother can’t be condensed into a 5 minute test. Yet, curiosity often gets the best of me. I think part of it is a procrastination strategy and part of it is wondering what “cool” moms do. Would the author think I’m cool?

I read a blog once, if I remembered who or where I would love to give her credit, but it really struck me. It said something about how it used to be that moms (and dads) used to think we did a pretty good job as parents. In years past, moms would ask their moms for advice about parenting and all that it entails. Before pulling up google to find a potty-training schedule or tantrum solution, they’d run to their offspring’s grandmother to get the down low on how to handle any number of situations.

So, I let that sit with me for a bit. It’s an interesting point – when did we lose confidence in our family’s knowledge that’s been passed down for generations and decide to turn to any stranger online to give us advice about our families?

Living in Guatemala, I get a unique perspective. Here, there isn’t as much access to technology and the average mom doesn’t look up every anxiety causing parent issue online. There seems to be less anxiety about parenting at all, actually, because most people assume they’re doing alright. On the other hand, I have gotten a greater understanding for why moms may have stopped trusting their mothers as the dispensers of parental wisdom.

I have received plenty of helpful and useful advice about parenting from my husband’s family and particularly from my mother in law. She helped me learn to carry my baby in a reboso, walked me through my first breastfeeding session, even gave me advice about child birth, directed me on the best foods to feed my son first and much more. All of that worked out great. Yet, there are some other pieces of advice I thought about twice before implementing.

For example, many people here believe you should give babies who are starting solids a spoonful of olive oil every 2 or 3 days (to make sure nothing gets stuck in their intestines). Ok, probably not really harmful, but kind of strange. Mothers must also wrap their abdomen for 30 days after giving birth. Another common practice is to wrap the baby in 2 or more blankets, even in the midday sun. Oh – and don’t think about holding your newborn in a vertical position. Their soft-spot will sink irreparably (unless you suck it back out with your mouth) and cause damage. The baby must be 3 months old before this is safe.

This is the sort of advice that makes me think – well, yes, if my mother were giving me this sort of advice, I’d want to find some other sources to learn about parenting. It’s clear that by searching out advice online, mothers are only looking out for their children’s best interest. We look because we care.

Can we over-care?

I think we can. Our own lack of confidence is harmful for ourselves and children. A reasonable amount of research can provide helpful insights into our children, their behaviors, their development and their needs. But, a critical eye is needed and some limits must be set. Reading about other mom’s experiences is valuable and provides us with a wonderful connection, a feeling that “I’m not the only one!” But, our kids are different. What worked for other moms might not be best for my kids. We live in different places, come from different backgrounds and have different needs.

When I get drawn into blogs and articles about parenting, I try to take the advice and suggestions with a grain of salt. I take what I think might work and leave the rest. Sometimes I look for research and science, sometimes I look for a way to follow instincts. And, I’ve learned to give myself some credit and have confidence in myself as a mother. We beat ourselves up too much. In reality, we’re probably all doing a great job.

Oh – and every now and then I bounce ideas off my own mom. After all, she is also an expert even if she doesn’t have a blog.